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We had a simple civil ceremony in New York. We are both not Catholic or religious. How can we have a wedding celebration in the Philippines for everyone without the church ceremony and yet make it more official than just a party?

Most Civil Ceremonies are rushed affairs so make your “second” ceremony fun and memorable. I suggest you do a renewal of vows where both of you write your vows and say them to each other. Get an interfaith pastor or minister to officiate at this ceremony where you can personalize your selection of music and poems (if you’re both not into liturgical readings) and involve family members by giving them roles such as the lighting of candles, honoring of the parents, etc. Try to work on a theme or motif for the whole celebration most especially for the reception so that you stay focused and within budget. Get a venue where you can have both the ceremony and the reception.

We want to be environmentally conscious with regards to our wedding. What options do we have in the Philippines? Also which print materials do we really need and which are just optional?

I am all for going green and weddings can be environmentally-friendly if planned properly. Start with all your paper requirements by choosing recycled or acid free paper. Try your best to order as exact an amount as those invited to minimize wastage. Aside from the main invitation, and the missalettes, all other print materials are optional. For wedding favors you can order herbs, plants or tree seedling from plant nurseries and then place them in small decorative earthen pots. One couple had 6 to 8 flowering plants as their centerpiece and then told the female guests that they could each get one as a wedding favor. You could order a 2 tier wedding cake that’s real and not the fake ones with Styrofoam and then have them cut and served to everybody with any leftovers divided between the 2 families. Lastly, if you really want to help the planet, you could ask the guests to make a donation to your favorite green charity in lieu of wedding gifts.

How do we properly address government officials in the invitation? Are there special arrangements or considerations that we have to make to accommodate them as sponsors and guests to the wedding?

The general rule for addressing government officials in the invitation is to put their title if they are currently in office. So you should put Mayor Feliciano Belmonte since he is the current mayor of Quezon City but you should not put Former Mayor Lito Atienza. A reliable and professional invitationer should be able to guide you regarding these matters. When in doubt you can call up the government official’s secretary (or protocol officer) and the Malacañang protocol office is always a big help.

My family is not really superstitious. My brother just announced his wedding for next year. His fiancée’s family believes that it is bad luck for two family members to marry within the same year. Do we have to follow such beliefs since their wedding was announced first and wait for the year after their wedding to get married?

No you do not have to wait for the year after to get married but it might prove to be more advantageous for you if you do. Most superstitious beliefs came about because of practical matters. In this case, not having two weddings in one family just means not straining the family finances in paying for two weddings in one year and to prevent any possible jealousy on who had the “better” wedding. In your situation you could have your wedding as soon as the next year starts. On a positive note, waiting a few more months will allow you to fairly judge what you don’t or do like about your brothers wedding and make yours differently. It also allows you more time to plan, choose suppliers they didn’t hire, attend to honeymoon plans and where you will live after, etc.

My groom’s dad will be doing the traditional toasts to us during our dinner reception, but my father doesn’t want to talk simply because he’s quite shy and dreads talking to a large group of people. Could I ask my mom or another male relation to do this?

You could ask your dad to read his message/ toast to you, that way he won’t feel so awkward. If he is definitely not talking, yes, you could ask your mom or another male relation but preferable someone senior like a grandfather, uncle or older brother.

Should invitations be sent to friends and family members who live abroad, even if it’s a certainty they won’t be able to come to the wedding?

You should send invitations to truly good close friends and family members even if they can’t or won’t come and you could opt to send wedding announcement cards to the rest. You don’t need to print the latter if you’re on a budget but could write it personally on a nice stationery card. The whole idea is to announce the impending nuptial, so that those invited can share in the joy of the couple and they won’t   know it, unless some form of announcement is given to them.

One of my bridesmaids had to back out because of her new job and my wedding is less than three weeks away. Should I find a replacement?

If this happens before you have printed the entourage list either in the invitation or Missalette, then a replacement may be found. Usually it would be incorrect to ask anyone else to fill in at the last minute. Exceptions to the rule would be a good friend who wouldn’t mind helping you out. Naturally, you’ll also have to make sure that the gown fits the replacement.

We are on a tight budget and have requested that no children be brought to the wedding, but some of my relatives have already told my mother they are bringing theirs. What do I do?

There will always be people who believe it is their right to behave differently, that etiquette rules do not apply to them. It is all right for your parents to call them up and gently remind them that it is the couple’s wish that children not be included due to budget constraints. If this results in an angry, “then I’m not coming either,” so be it. The breach of etiquette is theirs, not yours.